Three MUST-HAVES For A Happy Wife and a Hot Marriage

Three Essentials of Marriage

I won’t pretend like I’m a perfect husband. Most days I’m a pretty average guy, and sometimes forget that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

But occasionally I do something right. 

The picture above says all that needs to be said, so I’ll keep this short.

In our marriage, we’re great at:

  • Number 1: Beauty Sleep: Every Sunday I get up with the kids, feed them breakfast, change diapers, etc. Beth gets up when she wants to, takes a shower, enjoys coffee in bed, etc. I wish I had more margin to do this more often for her. She’s an amazing mom.
  • Number 3: Weekly date night (this costs us dearly, sitters aren’t cheap, neither are dates, at least not the ones we remember). But the cost of NOT doing this is MUCH greater. It’s worth every dime. So do what you need to do…swap sitting with another couple, eat before you go out and just take a walk. Make it happen.

Number 2 is where I falter. The other two are built into the schedule, so they happen every week whether I feel like it or not.

But we’re not as proactive about number 2. We usually make it happen when Beth can tell she’s really needing some alone time. I’d say we average at least twice a month.

Here’s how it works for us. She’ll typically leave the house around 5:30, and I’ll feed the kids, put them to bed, etc. She’ll go out to eat somewhere fun (she loves Burger 21, but don’t tell anyone who thinks she’s a vegan), and do a little shopping at a local mall or maybe Marshalls.

Thankfully she doesn’t spend much, it’s more about just getting some alone time to remind herself that she has an identity about from being a mom. 

What prompted this post was a comment Beth made about how she knows moms who joke about how they haven’t slept-in in years.

That’s just crazy to me. What the heck are their husbands doing???

Now, I know guys, you’re busy and don’t have time for all this stuff. Then let me ask you, what are you doing that is more important than spending time with your kids and serving your wife?

Really?

I watch the kids for only a couple of hours and I’m totally exhausted…I don’t know how moms do this all day long every single day! It is MUCH easier to go into work than to watch kids.

So men, we all made a vow to love our wives till death do us part.

To be fair….no one told us how intentional we had to be to make this work. When dating, it’s so easy to just run off of emotions. But after the honeymoon, and especially after kids, you simply have to be intentional about leading your relationship into a healthy place where it can thrive.

And if your wife is exhausted, there will be no thriving…only surviving. Just watch the kids all day and you’ll understand why she always has a “headache.”

But what’s the alternative?

The world has enough fizzled out marriages.

Please don’t be another one.

-Wesley

Is Success In Your Budget?

Personal Development

It’s estimated that over 70% of the workforce can’t stand their jobs.

Yet instead of taking action…most people spend their evenings escaping into someone else’s adventure on TV instead of trying to live out their own.

Yet some of the best material ever written can be purchased for less than your daily Starbucks run.

Let’s be honest.

The real cost isn’t the money.

It’s the time.

Why do we waste our days living in average instead of pursuing greatness? Honestly, it’s a mindset issue. Success really comes down to your beliefs. If you don’t believe you have what it takes or deserve to be successful, then frankly it’s just easier to turn on the TV than pursue a goal you don’t believe you’ll achieve.

WHICH IS WHY YOU MUST READ BOOKS LIKE THESE!

Paul said in Romans 12 (in the Bible) that transformation comes by renewing your mind.

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

There’s a lot of danger in using scriptural truth for selfish gain. But what if your success isn’t selfish. What do you benefit the world by playing small? By undeveloping your gifts and talents in a way that serves others?

Ultimately it’s selfish not to push past your fears and to remain mediocre. 

So start renewing your mind with positive material that will push you past your fears and challenge you to reach your potential.

I’ve read every one of the books listed above. My favorites are Take the Stairs and Wild at Heart (read 5 times). But I highly recommend them all.

Question: Which of the books above have you read? What mindsets hold you back? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Four Misconceptions About Self Discipline

Think about your top three goals right now. How many of those can be achieved without self discipline? None of them, right?

Four Misconceptions About Self Discipline

Photo Credit: Maridav via www.123rf.com

Self discipline has such a negative connotation in our culture, yet it is probably the one trait above all that sets successful people apart from the unsuccessful. And nobody knows more about the subject of self discipline than Rory Vaden.

Rory is one of my favorite people on the planet. His book Take the Stairs is hands down my favorite book about achieving success. You can check him out here. On Sunday nights after putting the kiddos to bed, I’ll usually go for a walk, think, pray, and create some space for dreaming.

Last night found me listening to episode 46 of Rory’s podcast. Towards the end he shared four misconceptions about self-discipline. I found them very helpful and wanted to pass them along. You’re welcome. :) 

5 Secret Steps to Reaching Your Goals

Want to know how to increase the odds of reaching your goals by 77%? Watch this short & creative video by Kim Avery. Kim is on staff at Professional Christian Coaching Institute, where I’m currently getting certified as a Life Coach. She’s also a marketing guru and is helping me personally with launching Success That Matters Coaching. I couldn’t be more excited. Enjoy the video!

 

Question: So what stuck out to you in the video? What step do you get hung up on? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

-Wesley

2014 Will Be Exactly As You Expect It To Be

Have you ever heard of the Pygmalion Effect?

Henry Ford Quote Whether you think you can

 

In the late 60s, Robert Rosenthal conducted an experiment where an entire elementary school was given an IQ test. The test scores weren’t given to the teachers, but the teachers were told that 20% of the students scored high and could be expected to “bloom” intellectually over the coming year. Here’s the key part…the teachers were given the names of those students expected to bloom.

The “exceptional” students were chosen at random. Yet because the teachers expected them to perform at a higher level than the other students, they actually did perform exceptionally better!

So How About You?

January 1st is just a memory now. We’re just three weeks into the new year, but by now most of our resolutions have either been broken or completely forgotten.

If you listen to Dan Miller much, sooner or later you’ll hear him recommend the book “The Strangest Secret” by Earl Nightingale. I actually listened to the audio version before reading the book, and when I first heard it, one of the statements jumped out and grabbed me. Nightingale said this:

“We are where we are because that is exactly where we really want to be – whether we’ll admit that or not.”

I didn’t like that statement.
I disagreed with it.
I turned off the cd and argued with it.

“How can he say I’m right where I want to be???” No I’m not! I want to be 30 pounds lighter. I want to be more successful! I want to have a better marriage!”

But slowly I began to realize he was right. I AM where I want to be.

I’m not where the idealist in me wants to be, or the dreamer in me wants to be. But the core of who I am, the part of me that runs the ship day to day and makes the vast majority of my decisions…yeah…I’m right where that part of me wants to be.

You see, if I lose weight, it’s going to cost me something. I’m going to have to stop eating pizza, and actually exercise sometime. And if I want to be more successful, I’m going to have to put in the time, pay the price in self-discipline to show up day after day to grow this thing. And if I want a better marriage, guess what? I’m going to have to pursue my wife again like I did when we were dating, which takes energy and time, two commodities in short supply right now.

So in a real sense, I was exactly where I wanted to be. In a risk-free comfortable life that didn’t really require too much of me.

Can you relate? Are you where you want to be (not the dreamer you, the real you)?

Screw Resolutions

Here’s where it gets real. Stats show that 50% of us make resolutions. Within three weeks 70% of us who made them have already broken them.

So what does it take for real change to occur?

I think it goes back to the Pygmalion Effect. Do you really believe you will succeed at your goals? If, deep down, you expect that you’re going to fail, then you’re going to fail. So set goals that are attainable & realistic for you.

I don’t usually say this, but if you keep striking out maybe stop trying to swing for the fence. Just shoot for first base this time and see what happens. Give yourself an easy win. Then another. Then another. Win by win you’re building momentum and success.

Right beliefs + Right Actions = Success.

So here we are. Three weeks into 2014. You will get what you expect this year. Not the dreamer you that shoots for the moon on New Years Eve. But the real you. The one who gets tired, who loses vision for what can be, who gets discouraged at the lack of progress.

To be successful you have to guard your expectations like the apple of your eye. Because you will get what you expect.

Don’t give up. Plan the work and work the plan. Stay the course. You will get there.

-Wesley

Question: What is one “small step” that you can take the next 30 days that will start to get momentum back? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Wesley Wiley | Life Coach | How to use Pinterest to Drive Business

If your business has any kind of online presence, you should embrace Pinterest. Here’s why. Neil Patel over at QuickSprout put together this incredible infographic showing the power of Pinterest. 

How to Increase Your Pinterest Engagement by 275%
Courtesy of: Quick Sprout

 

Question: What is one action you can take this week to increase your traffic from Pinterest? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

The Power Of Shining Eyes

I recently watched this TED talk about why everyone should love classical music. There’s a lot of life lessons shared in the video…but what stuck out to me the most was about asking these questions:

  • How am I to live so that those around me have shining eyes?
  • If my wife and children don’t have shining eyes, what does that say about me?

In the world of internet video, 20 minutes is an eternity, but it’s well worth it.

 

Question: What stuck out to you the most from the video? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

-Wesley

Naming Your Bridge

This was a little something I shared with my Facebook community. I’ve found this to be a powerful principle of “naming your bridge.”

naming your bridge

There’s power in naming things.

Think about it. The first job that ever existed on this planet was to give names to all the animals.

Names provide identity and clarity.

Growing up in Missouri, I realized you can’t even cross a tiny bridge over a tiny creek in the middle of nowhere without the bridge having a name.

There is a gap between your present reality and the life that God has for you. And there is a bridge that will help you cross that gap. Have you named it?

STM 003: A New Paradigm on Purpose [Podcast]

In this episode, I talk about a new paradigm on purpose. So many people are frustrated at the lack of clarity they have regarding their purpose. Perhaps there’s a reason for that.

Purpose is a Puzzle

Purpose is like a puzzle…some people know what the final picture is supposed to look like, but most of us only get a few pieces at a time. But is there a way to get more pieces of the puzzle if you feel the need to get greater clarity? Let’s find out.

This One’s For The Ladies

I ran across this video on Facebook recently. It’s worth sharing.