How To Kill Inadequacy With One Verse

 

Do I Have What It Takes?

Men, like it or not, we all deal with feeling inadequate at times. My favorite book ever, Wild At Heart by John Eldredge, is based on the premise that at the core of every man’s heart is this question:

“Do I have What It Takes?

Since I’ve read this book five times now, it’s message obviously rings true to me. I’ve also taken other men through the book, and found I’m not alone in wrestling with this question.

I’m not talking about minor stuff, like “do I have what it takes to change a tire.”

This question confronts me, as it does with most men, in the most challenging situations.

  • Do I have what it takes to really live out my purpose?
  • Do I have what it takes to raise my children in such a broken world?
  • Do I have what it takes to capture my wife’s heart, despite her front row seat to all my issues?
  • Do I have what it takes to be courageous at work, and speak up when needed?

I know that the core of who I am is a new creation made in the image of God. But our default responses usually reveal what we really believe. And too often, when life demands that I step up and be the man, my default response is passivity.

Passivity is automatic when you feel inadequate.

So how do we “fix” this? 

Screw Certainty

You know in your gut what you need to do to change your life. Yet chances are good you’re not doing them.

The Road Not Taken Robert Frost

Why?

I’m not trying to be harsh….but who cares why?

Stop asking why. Just start doing.

We can get lost in the mire of psychological reasoning…do I really believe in myself? Is this really my calling? How do I know for sure that this is what I should be doing? Lacking certainty in any one of these questions can stop you from taking action.

So let me challenge you….

SCREW CERTAINTY!!

Seriously…when we did make an idol out of certainty?

Did Abraham have certainty when God told him to leave the land he called home?

Did the disciples have certainty when Jesus told them to quit the family business and follow him?

What’s the opposite of certainty?

Uncertainty.

In other words…Risk.

If something is certain, there’s no risk involved. 

Embrace risk.

Not stupid risk…not risk that’s against the council of your community. Not risk that looks more like striving than trusting God. But the kind of risk that is based on a gut feeling that you know you’re supposed to move in this direction, but you’re just scared and unsure. Embrace that risk.

And most importantly….take action.

Today.

“But I don’t know exactly what to do!”

So what. Take action.

“But I feel like I’m guessing at which action to take!”

So what. Take action.

Just get the car moving….anywhere…even in the wrong direction…just get movement.

Movement brings clarity, and out of that clarity you can adjust the movement as needed. Chances are that you’re waiting for clarity to start moving. It doesn’t work that way. Start moving and you’ll get the clarity you’ve been waiting for.

Don’t believe me?

Psalm 119:105 says “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light for my path.”

You only have light for the second step after taking the first step.

Question: What action have you been delaying out of “uncertainty” but know that you need to take today? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

My Personal 3 Step Formula For Success

Gods job is to direct your steps

I have a passion for helping people discover God’s best for their lives. It saddens me to see people spend time they’ll never get back pursuing success that doesn’t really matter.

Success that matters is success with the end in mind. It’s living life backwards. Always ask yourself, will achieving this goal matter to me when I’m on my deathbed? It’s pursuing goals that bring you life, not just fill your garage.

This will help you make the hard decisions that many don’t – such as leaving the office to spend time with your kids instead of working a little longer to make a few extra dollars.

The question then is this: “what brings you life?” That’s the starting point.

Most of us live such busy lives we really have no idea what brings us life. Just an hour in front of the TV frankly sounds pretty life-giving most days. You may need to do some soul-searching. Take a weekend retreat. Journal.

Here’s a thought…maybe ask God what makes you come alive. Out of anyone, I think He’d know best what your true desires are since he is the one who put them in you.

Don’t Get Stuck On Purpose

But here’s the key: don’t get stuck on purpose. Nowhere in scripture does God promise to reveal your entire purpose to you. But He leaves clues hidden in your desires, and He does promise to direct your steps. So take this as permission to move forward in faith with what you currently know. The final picture may still be fuzzy but clarity will come as you move forward.

My Personal 3 Step Formula For Success

Right Goals + Daily Action + Time = Success

1. Right Goals:

A journey of a thousand miles may start with a single step, but you better be sure it’s in the right direction. There’s a reason U2’s “Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” was such a high success – it resonates with so many people. If you’re pursuing success out of a desire for happiness or to prove yourself, you will never find it.

No goal in the world can fill a human heart.

Go to Jesus first, find “what you’re looking for” then start your success journey with his guidance and peace.

Read the stories of Zig Ziglar, Tony Dungy, Dave Ramsey, Michael Hyatt, and Dan Miller. These men are incredibly successful, yet they will tell you that they had happiness (inner success) before they had outward success.

Success without God equals frustration; Success with God equals fulfillment.

2. Daily Action: 

Most people have no problem setting goals. Actually getting up every morning and doing something about them is another story. If you want to reach your goal, you must commit to take daily action towards those goals.

3. Time:

A journey of a thousand miles is a failure if you stop at mile 999. Don’t give up. The only reason to quit is if you realize that what you’re pursuing really isn’t as important as your once believed.

A word of advice….

We forget faster than we realize.  Case in point…what were your News Years Resolutions? Exactly.

My best advice is to buy a cheap laminator, and some 8.5×11 and wallet size sleeves, and laminate your goals. Put them in the shower, on the mirror, in the car, in your pocket. Put motivating quotes all over the place. It may not look the best, but if you want extraordinary success then you have to throw normal out the window.

Right Goals + Daily Action + Time = Success

Question: My weakest step is #2 – daily action. Which one is your’s, and what can you do this week to strengthen it? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Top 28 Quotes from Gary Keller’s book “The ONE Thing”

The ONE Thing by Gary Keller

This past weekend my wife and I loaded up the kids and drove 7 hours north from Orlando to Augusta to visit her family. Beth was gracious enough to do most of the driving, which allowed me to consume my latest treat from Amazon…

The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results by Gary Keller with Jay Papason

If you want to reach your potential,  you need to read this book. Here are my key take-aways and favorite quotes from the book.

Key Take-Aways:

Success comes from focusing on your most important activity that will bring you the most results. This activity is like the first domino in a chain of dominos…each one building sequentially on the other. Your job is simply to identify the first domino, and work on it until it falls.

Discipline is only needed long enough to create a habit. Successful people aren’t necessarily the most disciplined, but they are the ones that have the best habits. Discipline then is merely a tool to create successful habits.

Keller cites research that shows it takes an average 0f 66 days to create a habit. My first domino is simply getting up at 5 AM daily. This almost guarantees success as it gives me margin to do my most important work before the kids wake up and “daily life” starts. Today marks Day One for me of creating a habit of getting up every day at 5 AM (normally I start the week strong and by Thursday I’m waking up too late and just reacting to the week instead of creating the week).

Favorite Quotes:

  • If you chase two rabbits you will not catch either one. -Russian Proverb
  • Extraordinary results are directly determined by how narrow you can make your focus. -Gary Keller
  • Find the lead domino, and whack away at it until it falls. -Gary Keller
  • Success is built sequentially. It’s one thing at a time. -Gary Keller
  • It is those who concentrate at one thing at a time who advance in this world. -Og Mandino
  • Success demands singleness of purpose. -Vince Lombardi
  • Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. -Johann Wolfgang van Goethe
  • The things which are most important don’t always scream the loudest. -Bob Hawk
  • Multitasking is merely the opportunity to screw up more than one thing at a time. -Steve Uzzell
  • Success is actually a short race – a sprint fueled by discipline just long enough for habit to kick in and take over. -Gary Keller
  • When we know something that needs to be done but isn’t currently getting done, we often say, “I just need more discipline.” Actually, we need the habit of doing it. And we  need just enough discipline to build the habit. -Gary Keller
  • The trick to success is to choose the right habit and bring just enough discipline to establish it. -Gary Keller
  • It takes an average of 66 days to acquire a new habit. -University College of London Study 2009
  • Your work life is divided into two distinct areas – what matters most and everything else. You will have to take what matters to the extremes and be okay with what happens to the rest. Professional success requires it. -Gary Keller
  • Anyone who dreams of an uncommon life eventually discovers that there is no choice but to seek an uncommon approach to living it. -Gary Keller
  • What is the ONE thing I can do such that by doing it everything else will be easier or unnecessary? -Gary Keller
  • Until my ONE thing is done, everything else is a distraction. -Gary Keller
  • People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures. -F.M. Alexander
  • If everyone has the same amount of time and yet some earn more than others, can we say then say that it’s how we use our time that determines the money we make? -Gary Keller
  • If disproportionate results come from one activity, then you must give that one activity disproportionate time. -Gary Keller
  • There is magic in knocking down your most important domino day after day. All you have to do is avoid breaking the chain, one day at a time, until you generate a powerful new habit in your life. -Gary Keller
  • Taking complete ownership of your outcomes by holding no one but yourself responsible for them is the most powerful thing you can do to drive your success. -Gary Keller
  • You’d be hard pressed to find elite achievers who don’t have coaches helping them in key areas of their life. -Gary Keller
  • In the end, the best way to succeed is to go small. And when you go small, you say no – a lot. A lot more than you might have even considered before. -Gary Keller
  • When you give your ONE Thing your most emphatic “Yes!” and vigorously say “No!” to the rest, extraordinary results become possible. -Gary Keller
  • Only those who risk going to far can possibly find out how far one can go. -T.S. Eliot
  • Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the age harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain
  • To ignite your life you must focus on ONE Thing long enough for it to catch fire. -Gary Keller

Question: I stated above that I’m creating a daily habit of getting up at 5 AM. What is ONE new habit you need to create to propel you towards success? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Three MUST-HAVES For A Happy Wife and a Hot Marriage

Three Essentials of Marriage

I won’t pretend like I’m a perfect husband. Most days I’m a pretty average guy, and sometimes forget that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

But occasionally I do something right. 

The picture above says all that needs to be said, so I’ll keep this short.

In our marriage, we’re great at:

  • Number 1: Beauty Sleep: Every Sunday I get up with the kids, feed them breakfast, change diapers, etc. Beth gets up when she wants to, takes a shower, enjoys coffee in bed, etc. I wish I had more margin to do this more often for her. She’s an amazing mom.
  • Number 3: Weekly date night (this costs us dearly, sitters aren’t cheap, neither are dates, at least not the ones we remember). But the cost of NOT doing this is MUCH greater. It’s worth every dime. So do what you need to do…swap sitting with another couple, eat before you go out and just take a walk. Make it happen.

Number 2 is where I falter. The other two are built into the schedule, so they happen every week whether I feel like it or not.

But we’re not as proactive about number 2. We usually make it happen when Beth can tell she’s really needing some alone time. I’d say we average at least twice a month.

Here’s how it works for us. She’ll typically leave the house around 5:30, and I’ll feed the kids, put them to bed, etc. She’ll go out to eat somewhere fun (she loves Burger 21, but don’t tell anyone who thinks she’s a vegan), and do a little shopping at a local mall or maybe Marshalls.

Thankfully she doesn’t spend much, it’s more about just getting some alone time to remind herself that she has an identity about from being a mom. 

What prompted this post was a comment Beth made about how she knows moms who joke about how they haven’t slept-in in years.

That’s just crazy to me. What the heck are their husbands doing???

Now, I know guys, you’re busy and don’t have time for all this stuff. Then let me ask you, what are you doing that is more important than spending time with your kids and serving your wife?

Really?

I watch the kids for only a couple of hours and I’m totally exhausted…I don’t know how moms do this all day long every single day! It is MUCH easier to go into work than to watch kids.

So men, we all made a vow to love our wives till death do us part.

To be fair….no one told us how intentional we had to be to make this work. When dating, it’s so easy to just run off of emotions. But after the honeymoon, and especially after kids, you simply have to be intentional about leading your relationship into a healthy place where it can thrive.

And if your wife is exhausted, there will be no thriving…only surviving. Just watch the kids all day and you’ll understand why she always has a “headache.”

But what’s the alternative?

The world has enough fizzled out marriages.

Please don’t be another one.

-Wesley

Is Success In Your Budget?

Personal Development

It’s estimated that over 70% of the workforce can’t stand their jobs.

Yet instead of taking action…most people spend their evenings escaping into someone else’s adventure on TV instead of trying to live out their own.

Yet some of the best material ever written can be purchased for less than your daily Starbucks run.

Let’s be honest.

The real cost isn’t the money.

It’s the time.

Why do we waste our days living in average instead of pursuing greatness? Honestly, it’s a mindset issue. Success really comes down to your beliefs. If you don’t believe you have what it takes or deserve to be successful, then frankly it’s just easier to turn on the TV than pursue a goal you don’t believe you’ll achieve.

WHICH IS WHY YOU MUST READ BOOKS LIKE THESE!

Paul said in Romans 12 (in the Bible) that transformation comes by renewing your mind.

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

There’s a lot of danger in using scriptural truth for selfish gain. But what if your success isn’t selfish. What do you benefit the world by playing small? By undeveloping your gifts and talents in a way that serves others?

Ultimately it’s selfish not to push past your fears and to remain mediocre. 

So start renewing your mind with positive material that will push you past your fears and challenge you to reach your potential.

I’ve read every one of the books listed above. My favorites are Take the Stairs and Wild at Heart (read 5 times). But I highly recommend them all.

Question: Which of the books above have you read? What mindsets hold you back? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Four Misconceptions About Self Discipline

Think about your top three goals right now. How many of those can be achieved without self discipline? None of them, right?

Four Misconceptions About Self Discipline

Photo Credit: Maridav via www.123rf.com

Self discipline has such a negative connotation in our culture, yet it is probably the one trait above all that sets successful people apart from the unsuccessful. And nobody knows more about the subject of self discipline than Rory Vaden.

Rory is one of my favorite people on the planet. His book Take the Stairs is hands down my favorite book about achieving success. You can check him out here. On Sunday nights after putting the kiddos to bed, I’ll usually go for a walk, think, pray, and create some space for dreaming.

Last night found me listening to episode 46 of Rory’s podcast. Towards the end he shared four misconceptions about self-discipline. I found them very helpful and wanted to pass them along. You’re welcome. :) 

5 Secret Steps to Reaching Your Goals

Want to know how to increase the odds of reaching your goals by 77%? Watch this short & creative video by Kim Avery. Kim is on staff at Professional Christian Coaching Institute, where I’m currently getting certified as a Life Coach. She’s also a marketing guru and is helping me personally with launching Success That Matters Coaching. I couldn’t be more excited. Enjoy the video!

 

Question: So what stuck out to you in the video? What step do you get hung up on? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

-Wesley